Silence

I think this phase I'm going through, is the phase of liking someone and get on these silent rides -- watching as things go by. Watching as people moved on. Watching as life catches up on you. And then letting go. And then having the pain knifed down in your heart. While your heart bleeds, your brain writes down to-do list. Things to settle, movies to see, books to read, other friends to meet, new things you may want to try. Although you're just so sunk in and comfortable with the misery you know. I'm thinking of big windows, a huge bed. I'm thinking of patios and cushions, with flowers and coffee mugs. I'm thinking of scenic views, soundtracks and books. I'm thinking of the pictures you'd took on top of the pictures I have in mind. And somehow, I see you in most pictures. I can't shut down certain things. I just keep playing and replaying it. It's a soothing effect that consumed not only my misery -- but also my time, my availability, my being that should be better off elsewhere. But one day it will come, one day when I will eventually be rid of my demons.