Pattern

Hello, what did I write last time?

About a man, a muse, the reason I write so I could create another escapism to get away from the fact that I am just one of his ... can't romanticise him any more, can't say out the simple truth.

I imagined I would falter even worse than it was the time with Adi, perhaps Hadri was masking my other, actual pain. What I eventually realized, after crying in the rain (while driving), the loathing part I have for Hadri, consumed all the endearings.

And I realized I'm over Adi -- as much as it took me two years.

But I made it, so what's next?

+ + +

If you have to talk about a guy with your girlfriend -- that's a red flag.

And Roha, being that annoying elder sister role that she is at times (and me being that spoiled, ungrateful younger sister at times), I know she is only and only looking after me when my mother couldn't.

Ughhh, I'm getting emotional. Okay, stop.

+ + +

I will talk about him here, because experiences as I knew it, predictions as Roha can sees it, advices as Shoobs has always asked to consider it -- it's a gone case.

Thing is, I am only happy like this when I am with you. I am happy that I am fighting and crying for you. I recognized this as genuine feelings and that I only have it for you.

I yearned for you, I read every thoughts of you, I checked my cell for you, I constantly hope that notification sound means it's from you, I waited for you every morning, I wished that those thoughts were about me, I wanted to know if it is only me that you're holding like this.

My heart misses you and my eyes welled with tears each time after a good day spent with you.

Here's to another silent ride.